I’ve often likened myself to a computer.

“Jay”, I would say, “… you may not be a Pentium 4 like these other guys, but you’ve got a big hard drive.. and that counts for a lot”.

I think it has always been a convenient way to make me feel better about myself when someone seems to be a little bit quicker off the mark or a little sharper of wit.

I like the idea that everyone has a talent. Some people can work things out quickly… while others just seem to know a lot. This idea extends beyond the intelletual and academic. Some people are good at dancing, some people are able to produce artworks that look like nothing but still make people stare in awe.. and others are just good at giving of themselves. I like to think that there is always something. Though perhaps it’s not always easy to find.

My computer analogy doesn’t always work for me when I come across someone who has a whole lot of knowledge and experience and has a really fast processor. Well it works.. it just makes me wonder what it is that I have. Is there anything special about me? I started to think that maybe I have a lot of RAM. If you’ve ever played chess, you might know that some people are able to think many moves in advance… and they can imagine all the permutations and possibilities of how a game might turn out. Well I attribute this skill (and ones like it) to RAM. I don’t have a lot of RAM.

Maybe my perseverance likens me to a sturdy 586 running linux.. or the fact that I am even thinking about this means that I have good diagnostic software.

As much as I like to think that we all have something special to offer, I also think, and you may call this a defeatist attitude, that there will always be someone who is bigger, faster, stronger or smarter. It’s probably a good idea that I don’t get too hung up with thinking about what makes me special. My self confidence shouldn’t lay in rankings against everyone else.